To: random-remote:; Cc: atchley@coltrane.gnets.ncsu.edu, Doug.Landauer@sun.com Subject: If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You Date: Sun, 19 Feb 1995 16:58:14 PST From: "pardo@cs.washington.edu" [My entry is: ``Runaway Freight Train Hit My Baby As She Walked Out My Door.'' Yes, I actually wrote a whole song to follow that title -- and Dave and 'Lena helped sing it! Thanks, Dennis!] From: Dennis Gentry Date: Sun, 19 Feb 95 15:01:46 -0800 Subject: If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You From: Katherine_McCormick (Katherine McCormick) Date: Thu, 9 Feb 95 13:43:54 -0800 Subject: The definitive (?) list of Country & Western song titles From: Doug Landauer Date: Wed, 8 Feb 1995 09:42:36 -0800 Subject: Re: Fun Song Titles I have found three or four such lists on the net over the past few years. The following list is combined from those lists. The lists that actually had titles were "The Best of the Worst Country-Western Song Titles", compiled By: Bill Atchley (atchley@coltrane.gnets.ncsu.edu), and "Year's Worst Country Song Titles -- Part II" By Mike Harden, Scripps Howard News Service. I tried to remove/combine similarly-worded duplicates, let me know if you spot any more. I have no clue as to which of the titles are fictitious. -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- Doug.Landauer@sun.com || "And we're sincere, right down to our veneer!" SunSoft->DevPro:: || -- John Forster, "Way Down Deep Languages.ADE(C++); || (You're Shallow)" -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- P.S. here's the whole combined list: Bridge Washed Out, I Can't Swim and My Baby's on the Other Side C'mon Down off the Stove, Granny, You're Too Old to Ride the Range Do You Love As Good As You Look Does My Ring Hurt Your Finger (When You Go Out at Night) Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavor On The Bedpost Overnight? Don't Come Home a-Drinkin' With Lovin' On Your Mind Don't Let That Doorknob Hit You (on the Way Out) Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life Emotional Breakdown Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart Heaven's Just A Sin Away Hell Stays Open All Night Her Body Couldn't Keep You Off My Mind Her Cheatin' Heart Made A Drunken Fool Out Of Me Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares How Can A Whiskey That's 6 Years Old Whup A Man That's 33? How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away? How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You ... ... When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life? How Can a Whiskey Six Years Old Whip a Man That's 32? How Long Does It Take a Memory To Drown I Been Roped And Thrown By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral I Can't Get Over You, So Why Don't You Get Under Me? I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life I Don't Know What Came Over Me (When I Came All Over You) I Don't Know Whether To Come Home Or Go Crazy I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling I Don't Want Your Body If Your Heart's Not In It I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me I Forgot How Bad My Good Woman Could Be I Got In At 2 With A 10 And Woke Up At 10 With A 2 I Hate Every Bone In Your Body Except Mine I Just Bought A Car From The Guy That Stole My Girl, ... ... But The Car Don't Run, So I Figure We Got An Even Deal I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You I Kissed Her on the Lips, And Left Her Behind for You I Knew I'd Hit Rock Bottom When I Woke Up On Top Of Yew I Knew I'd Lean (But I Never Thought I'd Fall) I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well I Married a Moonshiner's Daughter and Now She Makes Me Likker I Married a Moonshiner's Daughter and Oh, How I Love Her Still I May Be Used (But Baby I Ain't Used Up) I Meant Every Word That He Said I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better I Think I'll Drink Myself Into the Past I Wanna Whip Your Cow I Wish I Were In Dixie Tonight, But She's Out Of Town I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck! I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win I Wouldn't Take You To A Dog Fight Even If I Thought You Could Win I'd Be Better Off in a Pine Box I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy I'll Get Over You As Soon As You Get Out From Under Him I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonite I'm Gettin' Gray From Being Blue I'm Gonna Build Me a Bar in the Back of My Car and Drive Myself to Drink I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home I'm Havin' Daydreams About Night Things In The Middle Of The Afternoon I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life I'm Not Married But The Wife Is I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart (or I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart) I've Been Roped and Throwed by Jesus in the Holy Ghost Corral I've Got Four On The Floor And A Fifth Under The Seat I've Got Red Eyes From Your White Lies And I'm Blue All The Time I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Back In My Bed ... ... While I Cry Over You (or, I Got Tears in My Eyes From Lying ... ... on My Back Crying on My Pillow Over You) I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line I've Got You on My Conscience But At Least You're Off My Back I've Got a Funny Feeling (I Won't Be Feeling Funny Very Long) I've Never Seen a Straight Banana If Drinkin' Don't Kill Me, Her Memory Will If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now If I Had To Do It All Over Again, Babe, I'd Do It All Over You If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body, Would You Hold It Against Me? If It's Got To Be Later, How 'Bout Later Tonight? If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You If She Puts Lipstick On My Dipstick, I'll Fall In Love If The Jukebox Took Teardrops I'd Cry All Night Long If The Phone Don't Ring, Baby, You'll Know It's Me If Whiskey Were A Woman I'd Be Married For Sure If You Can Live With It (I Can Live Without It) If You Can't Feel It (It Ain't There) If You Don't Believe I Love You Just Ask My Wife If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will If You Keep Checking Up on Me (I'm Checking Out on You) If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too? It Ain't Love But It Ain't Bad It Don't Feel Like Sinnin' To Me It Don't Hurt Half as Bad as Holding You Feels Good It Takes Me All Night Long To Do What I Used To Do All Night Long Jesus Is a Good Ole Boy Lay Back Down and Love Me and Leave the Leavin' for Later On Learning To Live Again Without You Is Killing Me Let Me Love the Leavin' from Your Mind Love Will Beat Your Brains Out Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head) May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose My Every Day Silver Is Plastic My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, ... ... While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart My Legs Won't Walk Away From You My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him Nervous Breakdown Nineteenth Foggy Mountain Breakdown Now I lay Me Down To Cheat Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, ... ... But Baby I Can See Through You Oh, Lord! It's Hard To Be Humble When You're Perfect In Every Way Out Of My Head And Back In My Bed Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill Pardon My Southern Movements, Miss Lou (?) Play Me or Trade Me Please Bypass This Heart She Can't Get My Love off the Bed She Even Woke Me Up to Say Goodbye She Feels Like A New Man Tonight She Gave Her Heart to Jethro and Her Body to the Whole Danged World She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart She Was Bred in Old Kentucky, But She's Just a Crumb Out Here She Was Only a Cattleman's Daughter, But All the Horsemen Knew 'Er. She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without. Sleeping Single in a Double Bed Somebody Must Have Loved You Right Last Night Somebody Shoot Out the Jukebox Swing Wide Your Gate Of Love Take Me to Heaven (Before You Take Me Home) Tennis Must Be Your Racket 'Cause Love Means Nothin' To You Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone The Last Word In Lonesome Is "me" The Pint of No Return The Wife of the Party The Worst You Ever Gave Me Was the Best I Ever Had There Ain't No Waste In My Baby's Love Canal They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out ... (or You May Put Me In Prison, But You Can't Keep My Face From Breakin' Out) This Time I'm Gonna Beat You to the Truck Timber, I'm Falling in Love Touch Me With More Than Your Hands Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart We Used to Just Kiss on the Lips But Now It's All Over What Made Milwaukee Famous (Has Made a Loser Out of Me) What's a Fool Like Me Doing In a Love Like This When We Get Back To the Farm (That's When We Really Go To Town) When You Leave, Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In ... (or Walk Out Backwards Slowly So I'll Think You're Walking In) Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes? Who's Taking Care of the Caretaker's Daughter ... ... (While the Caretaker's Busy Taking Care)? Would Jesus Wear A Rolex on His Television Show? You Blacked My Blue Eyes Once Too Often You Can Tell the Man Who Boozes (By the Company He Chooses) You Can't Deal Me All The Aces And Expect Me Not To Play You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd You Done Stomped on My Heart (and Smashed That Sucker Flat) ... (or You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat) You Hurt The Love Right Out Of Me You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life You Won't Be Back But George and Jack Will Help Me Make It Through The Night You'd Make an Angel Want to Cheat You're A Cross I Can't Bear You're Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without You're Ruining My Bad Reputation You're the First Time I Thought About Leaving You're the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly Your Negligee Has Turned to Flannel Nightgowns